Wedding Post No. 1

A 1920s era newsboy, a bride, and a TW.

I have been thinking a lot about what to say about the wedding I performed for Dan and Molly on Monday. No nicknames today. There were a lot of firsts Monday. But for all of the cute ways I can think to describe the day, the totally unplanned, ad-libbed speech I gave to kick off the toasts at dinner summed up the day better than any cute linguistic games we can play.

The scene: Hugo's bistro in downtown Portland, arguably the fanciest restaurant in town.

The crowd: 40 guests and about 20 of Dan's co-workers (today, and today only, he is Dan. You might know him better as Nacho Man).

The Wife: smoking hot.

The toast: "Okay everybody, I'd like to kick off the toasts this evening. I know not everybody was able to make it to the ceremony because it was held at the Portland observatory and there wasn't room for everybody. So I'd like to do a recap of the event for my friend Shayne in the back there. Shayne talking to you will help me project my voice to the back of this restaurant, so I'm going to sum up the entire ceremony in just two sentences. The first sentence to sum up the ceremony  is: These guys are awesome! They are my best friends, my former roommate, my former landlord's daughter ...

Molly interrupts: And you were the officiant.

Yes, I was the officiant. Although we had a severe problem in the middle of Molly's vows. The iPad didn't have the entire ceremony loaded onto it, though it was on there earlier in the day. So the ceremony stopped briefly in the middle of Molly's vows (Molly: it was literally the middle of my vows.). If you take anything away from tonight, it's this: Don't ever by an Apple product. Android and Google saved the day.

(At this point, TW shouted from the back: "What is the second sentence?" TW doesn't much care for shenanigans.)

Right! The second sentence I would use to describe today's ceremony, Shayne, is my summation of my marital advice and philosophy. It's pretty profound. The second sentence is: Happy wife, happy life. 

That's it. That's what you missed. I think these two are a spectacular couple and I want to be the first to raise a glass to Dan and Molly. Cheers!

(End of speech. Ok, the second one is a sentence fragment. Shut up. We were partying.)

And then I got the hell out of the spotlight. Which is rare. Maybe I will post about the wedding again later or just put up the text of the speech some other time. For now, short and sweet is the theme. Congratulations to Dan and Molly and everyone in our Portland family.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Aw, Maaaaaaan

Image
Journalists aren't normal. You could say it takes a certain kind of person to be a journalist, but you'd be wrong. There's lots of different kinds of people who are journalists. It's just that they sometimes have more extreme personalities than you see in, say, the movie Office Space. That brings us to Dan Dickson, one of the few larger-than-life characters I have ever known. If you were to write a book about Dan, or perhaps a movie, his character would inevitably watered down by editors because nobody would ever find a character like him believable. Though I'm sure I'm mostly writing for an audience of a hundred or so Salt Lake Tribune employees who already know "The Danimal," it's important to pause here to talk about one of his most important personal characteristics, his voice. Dan's voice is a strange blend of cowboy Western accent and surfer-dude guy accent. Take The Dude from The Big Lebowski, make his voice a little more nasal, and add...
Read more

The Most Unlikely Couple ~ Part VI ~ Roman numerals: Yuck

Image
For those that missed them, here are Parts One , Two , Three , Four , and Five . Last one. Then, because I believe in the power of dreams, I'm going to take my shot at being a NASCAR driver and blog about it. Let me know if you need cigarettes or chewing tobacco. I lied to you. Right there in the final paragraph of Part V. I made it sound like, on a drive back from Los Angeles, I waited until Cedar City, Utah, to call Amy. Not true. First, I called her outside of Las Vegas. That call was just to satisfy the voice in my head saying, "Call Amy" over and over again. It was 9 a.m. Central Daylight Time. She was at work and I knew it. Voicemail. No need to leave a message. Done and done. She didn't have my Utah cell phone number. She would have no idea who had called. Take that, voice inside my head. Then, as previously mentioned, the voice got incessant. "Call Amy. Call Amy. Call Amy," it said. Fine, I decided in St. George, Utah. I'll wait until Cedar C...
Read more

The Most Unlikely Couple ~ Pt. V ~ Phantom!

Image
For those that missed them, here are Parts One , Two , Three and Four . Only two left (with an epilogue). Then, as suggested by a reader, I'm going to take up a Sister Wife , to promote more rom-com blog posts. So stay tuned for that. The canine weight loss plan. Available at www.petfinder.com Some people go into a tailspin after a breakup. To an extent, I fit that profile for a couple of months, but it turned into a wonderful positive. I lost all appetite. Which was actually great. I capitalized on the lack of appetite and joined a gym. I lost 40 pounds in three months. It helps that I had a spaz for a chocolate lab, named Duke. He is fondly remembered by our new puppy, Daisy. But you know that already. Something snapped in me when Amy and I broke up. I started eating right. I attended an awesome church in Duluth, The Vineyard . I started writing. I do that when I need an outlet. Perhaps you've noticed. Most important, I matured. Instead of wanting acceptance from wo...
Read more