Gray Skies Are Gonna Clear Up


It would be easy, given the topic of this blog, to use today's stormy weather as a metaphor. My wife is the only person in the world, possibly, who likes it when it rains. That's perhaps why living in Utah was doomed from the start. It basically never rains there.

My wife and I are ex-boyfriend and ex-girlfriend, brought back together by chance. We spent months on the phone getting to re-know each other. Given my personal gray skies, I doubt that would have happened in the past six months.

I haven't been hungry for the past few months. No appetite. This is very odd. Half of my early blogs involved food of some sort or another. I've battled fat-guy syndrome all my life. But a few months ago, pretty much out of nowhere, I woke up with no hunger. Didn't want breakfast. Didn't get excited by the prospect of dinner.

Moreover, I've been avoiding my phone. I don't want to talk to anybody. I went about a month without talking to my Mom. That's unusual. We usually talk once a week, whether I want to or not. Usually, I do. (Actually, usually she tries to hang up before I'm done talking. She has no time for chit-chat. There's birds to watch.)

I haven't talked to North Star, my friend in Chicago, since Christmas. Haggis Taco, my best Utah friend, is probably mad at me for not calling him back a few times.

I have been meaning to call Tex-Mex, a friend who recently got divorced and moved back to her home state of Missouri. I have been meaning to call a friend in Vermont. I have been meaning to go to New York City.

But. I Just. Don't. Want to.

TW recognized the signs. She can do the math. She's smart like that. These are classic signs of depression.

It's not what you think it is. It's not crying. It's not sadness. It's nothing. It's being numb. It's just so ... boring. That's why I haven't wanted to talk to anybody. I don't have anything to say. I'm just SO BORING. The boredom is really kind of overwhelming.

There have been good things happening. I work out on a regimented basis. I'm getting into crazy good running shape. I'm doing 30 miles a week. Depressed people usually don't exercise. But I do. So that's good.

I'm fine. I'm just incredibly bored.

And that's why I owe a bunch of people an apology. I'm sorry I don't want to talk to you. I haven't wanted to answer my phone and I don't want to call anybody. Mostly, I'm just embarrassed at myself.

But things are getting better. Maybe I'll want to talk soon. After all, last night something amazing happened: I got hungry and made pad thai. Another small step toward normalcy.

Comments

  1. SarahApril 23, 2012 at 2:15 PM

    I hear ya. I've been in a funk for months. Hence, no blogging.

    ReplyDelete
  2. ...sensible of shoeApril 23, 2012 at 5:56 PM

    So sorry you feel down! Thanks for sharing your feelings, that's cool of you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousApril 24, 2012 at 11:07 AM

    I didn't know you refer to me as "North Star".
    I guess it's OK.

    Pete

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Aw, Maaaaaaan

Image
Journalists aren't normal. You could say it takes a certain kind of person to be a journalist, but you'd be wrong. There's lots of different kinds of people who are journalists. It's just that they sometimes have more extreme personalities than you see in, say, the movie Office Space. That brings us to Dan Dickson, one of the few larger-than-life characters I have ever known. If you were to write a book about Dan, or perhaps a movie, his character would inevitably watered down by editors because nobody would ever find a character like him believable. Though I'm sure I'm mostly writing for an audience of a hundred or so Salt Lake Tribune employees who already know "The Danimal," it's important to pause here to talk about one of his most important personal characteristics, his voice. Dan's voice is a strange blend of cowboy Western accent and surfer-dude guy accent. Take The Dude from The Big Lebowski, make his voice a little more nasal, and add...
Read more

The Most Unlikely Couple ~ Part VI ~ Roman numerals: Yuck

Image
For those that missed them, here are Parts One , Two , Three , Four , and Five . Last one. Then, because I believe in the power of dreams, I'm going to take my shot at being a NASCAR driver and blog about it. Let me know if you need cigarettes or chewing tobacco. I lied to you. Right there in the final paragraph of Part V. I made it sound like, on a drive back from Los Angeles, I waited until Cedar City, Utah, to call Amy. Not true. First, I called her outside of Las Vegas. That call was just to satisfy the voice in my head saying, "Call Amy" over and over again. It was 9 a.m. Central Daylight Time. She was at work and I knew it. Voicemail. No need to leave a message. Done and done. She didn't have my Utah cell phone number. She would have no idea who had called. Take that, voice inside my head. Then, as previously mentioned, the voice got incessant. "Call Amy. Call Amy. Call Amy," it said. Fine, I decided in St. George, Utah. I'll wait until Cedar C...
Read more

The Most Unlikely Couple ~ Pt. V ~ Phantom!

Image
For those that missed them, here are Parts One , Two , Three and Four . Only two left (with an epilogue). Then, as suggested by a reader, I'm going to take up a Sister Wife , to promote more rom-com blog posts. So stay tuned for that. The canine weight loss plan. Available at www.petfinder.com Some people go into a tailspin after a breakup. To an extent, I fit that profile for a couple of months, but it turned into a wonderful positive. I lost all appetite. Which was actually great. I capitalized on the lack of appetite and joined a gym. I lost 40 pounds in three months. It helps that I had a spaz for a chocolate lab, named Duke. He is fondly remembered by our new puppy, Daisy. But you know that already. Something snapped in me when Amy and I broke up. I started eating right. I attended an awesome church in Duluth, The Vineyard . I started writing. I do that when I need an outlet. Perhaps you've noticed. Most important, I matured. Instead of wanting acceptance from wo...
Read more