Rankings Suck, Long Live Rankings!

Isn't it a little odd for an area with average summer highs of 80 degrees
to have a big water park?

I have a one-track mind. When I extol the virtues of Portland, I pretty much limit myself to beer and bacon-dusted french fries. Wouldn't you? It has become clear to me today that my vision might be a little too narrow.

For the 92 percent of you who would not limit themselves to beer and bacon-dusted fries (and by the way, you're wrong for not limiting yourself), I present independent verification of our status as a cool place to be. JRuss, who is not a tall black man, pointed out to me that GQ magazine – I am, of course, a devoted reader and subscriber of that fine publication – has ranked Portland one of the top eight small-city destinations for a vacation.

You bet your sweet Aunt Sally I'll be doing this.
It's only $15!
With around 60,000 people in the metro area, about the size of Winona, MN, this is not a big place. But, I venture to say, Portland offers significantly more to do than Winona. That's right. This is a classic my-town-is-better-than-Winona throwdown.

We have cover band wars (Aug. 31 is Led Zeppelin vs. The Who!), cover album nights, Elvis Costello and Sheryl Crow concerts. There's some of the best food on the East Coast in Portland. Winona has the National Eagle Center. We'll call it a push for my parents.

Thing is, I'm not 13. T-Dubs would debate this point. My 13-year-old cousin and a mutual 15-year-old cousin (yes, one of the ones I was a manny for) are coming to town Friday. Suffice to say, things are going to get a whole lot more touristy up in here.

Sadly, it won't involve beer tours but should involve bacon-dusted fries.

Turns out, Portland has a lot to offer. There are 2,000-foot zip lines (as well as a GIANT swing). We'll go to Boston for a day. We might do some cliff diving. There's a water park or two we can visit.

And, if we get really desperate, we'll visit one of the places in the GQ article. Seriously? A boat to an island and wading across a sandbar? That's how you visit Portland?

Point of fact: Everybody gets into a rut. Mine involves food. I lived in Duluth and never visited the giant aquarium. I lived out West and never visited the Grand Canyon or Yosemite. I lived in Vermont and never smoked pot with Phish.

It's easy to take your place for granted. This weekend, I'm going to try to break out of my rut just a little. It won't last, of course. I am, after all, mentally a 13-year-old.

Comments

  1. AnonymousJuly 27, 2011 at 5:53 PM

    I've visited the giant aquarium. It's got some blah-colored freshwater fish, otters you can never see because they're sleeping in the back, some ducks and turtles, and a fun water table of the Great Lakes on which you can push your boat through all the way to the Atlantic Ocean.
    tamara

    ReplyDelete
  2. JPJuly 27, 2011 at 8:03 PM

    Oh God. It's still freshwater fish? I thought they'd add some sharks by now.

    ReplyDelete
  3. JillJuly 27, 2011 at 10:13 PM

    JRuss! Basically, I need to go to Portland. And basically, JRuss is looking for a tall, black man. 63-5-6.

    ReplyDelete
  4. mr sensible of shoeJuly 28, 2011 at 9:05 AM

    The Winona throw-down hits a little close to home! I think you give Winona too much credit- it only has a population of 25K and is located in rural MN. Maybe it is not the best comparison, but I would wager that that Portland has 20x more to do/see/eat/shop. Lots of bars, but no craft beers or bacon dusted fries, but they do have $3.00 pitchers. Plus, you are 2 minutes from Wisconsin so you can make a quick run to get some Spotted Cow.

    ReplyDelete
  5. SarahJuly 28, 2011 at 12:03 PM

    But Winona is close to La Crosse. WIN!

    I went to that aquarium. Meh.

    When I come to Portland, I will want to go to Freeport. We went there when I was small, and there was lovely outlet shopping. And of course, it makes my dad happy because, hello, LL Bean. "They really don't have locks!"

    ReplyDelete
  6. SarahJuly 28, 2011 at 12:03 PM

    My last verification word was "unnings." Is that like baseball time that never happens?

    ReplyDelete
  7. ...sensible of shoeJuly 28, 2011 at 8:11 PM

    The National Eagle Center is in Wabasha! Winona does have the Polish Heritage Museum and Bloedow's Bakery.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Toyin O.August 2, 2011 at 10:49 AM

    You make want to visit Portland, thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  9. JPAugust 2, 2011 at 7:39 PM

    It's a pleasure, really.

    ReplyDelete

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