I am killing myself for your amusement
I did it for you, dear reader. You can see that from the picture at the bottom. For the past two mornings, I have skipped my regular two cups of coffee. It wasn't forgetfulness and I'm not out. For the purposes of this blog, I'm trying to quit caffeine. Mainly just so you can see how terrible of an idea that is.
Trying being the operative word. Tuesday, there was a headache that developed over the course of an afternoon. For those of you familiar with migraines, it's not a dissimilar sensation. The head-in-a-vise, don't-want-to-move-because-it-might-hurt sensation. That resulted in some 50/50 coffee (half-caf).
The first time I felt that crushing, screwdriver in the brain headache was the spring of 2004. I had torched my retinas skiing — sidenote: do not ever, ever get sunburned retinas — and went a day without drinking a diet soda, as was my custom. I didn't drink coffee regularly again until about a year ago, when I took it up again to cope with 14-hour work days. And I never really stopped.
This is not to suggest I was or am some kind of stereotypical coffee fiend. I drank two cups in the morning. I don't drink soda, so that was never an issue. Just two, normal-sized cups in the morning. Here are the benefits of caffeine: A sense of purpose to the day. In time, I came to define this purpose as a sense of worry that I was forgetting something. Productivity — you get more done or you are more apt to do things when drinking caffeine. Energy — assuming you're somewhat well-rested, caffeine can make everything more crisp and vivid.
But, as with anything, there's a catch. I don't like being addicted to things. That's what it boils down to. I could tell you that I worry that my teeth are going to turn brown (I won't use whitening toothpaste (or, even, adult toothpaste)). Or that it makes me sweat in the summer. Or that it's about $40 a month in expense that we can do without. None of these are the reasons.
I quit so that I could post this picture. This is me about to go to bed. At 9:05 p.m. Ball. Of. Fire. It's been 60 hours since I've had a real cup of coffee. I've had about 12 ounces of Coke Zero and 14 ounces or so of 50/50 caffeine coffee. Are you not entertained? No? Good. Then I can have some coffee.
Not really. I'm going to try to stay off the hooch for a few months. Maybe until next Christmas, when the coffee rolls in from North Branch, Minnesota. But I'm curious. Why do you drink it? What are the benefits? Any negatives?
Trying being the operative word. Tuesday, there was a headache that developed over the course of an afternoon. For those of you familiar with migraines, it's not a dissimilar sensation. The head-in-a-vise, don't-want-to-move-because-it-might-hurt sensation. That resulted in some 50/50 coffee (half-caf).
The first time I felt that crushing, screwdriver in the brain headache was the spring of 2004. I had torched my retinas skiing — sidenote: do not ever, ever get sunburned retinas — and went a day without drinking a diet soda, as was my custom. I didn't drink coffee regularly again until about a year ago, when I took it up again to cope with 14-hour work days. And I never really stopped.This is not to suggest I was or am some kind of stereotypical coffee fiend. I drank two cups in the morning. I don't drink soda, so that was never an issue. Just two, normal-sized cups in the morning. Here are the benefits of caffeine: A sense of purpose to the day. In time, I came to define this purpose as a sense of worry that I was forgetting something. Productivity — you get more done or you are more apt to do things when drinking caffeine. Energy — assuming you're somewhat well-rested, caffeine can make everything more crisp and vivid.
But, as with anything, there's a catch. I don't like being addicted to things. That's what it boils down to. I could tell you that I worry that my teeth are going to turn brown (I won't use whitening toothpaste (or, even, adult toothpaste)). Or that it makes me sweat in the summer. Or that it's about $40 a month in expense that we can do without. None of these are the reasons.
 |
| I would like to rock and roll for a small portion of the night. |
Not really. I'm going to try to stay off the hooch for a few months. Maybe until next Christmas, when the coffee rolls in from North Branch, Minnesota. But I'm curious. Why do you drink it? What are the benefits? Any negatives?
There are absolutely no negatives to coffee. You are a mad man.
ReplyDeleteNo matter how hard I try, I cannot like coffee. So I'm stuck with my Coke habit. I went off caffiene cold-turkey when I was pregnant with Kid 1, got back on it as soon as I could, and have never looked back. Even with my 2-Cokes-a-day habit, I wish I could go to bed at 9 p.m. That would be heaven.
ReplyDeleteThe smell is the best. Even though I am pregnant and sometimes I can't stand to drink it, I still love the smell in the morning. Am curious what kind of coffee you drink that costs $40 a month?
ReplyDeleteWell, I figure I spend about $20 a month on fancy drip coffee (nataliescoffee.com has an amazing assortment) as well as Truvia. Add in about 8 trips a month to Dunkin Donuts, for either decaf or the real thing, and I'm easily spending $40 a month on coffee. I currently have a maple syrup roast. YES, I LIKE FLAVORED COFFEE BEST. *sigh*
ReplyDeleteI don't like the taste of coffee. Two thumbs up for going off of it. 11-2-1.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I feel your pain. I went off caffeine in college for several reasons and the headaches were horrible. Hugs from Utah!
ReplyDeleteIf Jesus would've had coffee, Communion Sundays would be a shot of espresso with those wafers.
ReplyDeleteJust sayin.
I've had maybe 5 cups in my entire life. Most of my friends/coworkers find that to be strange.
ReplyDeleteThey also think it is strange that I nor my siblings (to my knowledge) have ever had a cavity.
are the two related? You tell me.....
Peter, I don't find it strange at all. Many of my friends, in fact nearly all of them from elementary school, don't ever drink coffee. Off the top of my head, I can name three friends who never touch the stuff. I didn't take coffee up on a regular basis until I was ... 28? 29? Somewhere in there. For me, it diet soda (specifically, Diet Pepsi) was the gateway drug.
ReplyDeleteMy grandma gave me coffee in my bottle. When I grew old enough, we had coffee parties(like tea parties, except with full leaded coffee). I don't think there is any reason on earth I will give up coffee. It has been around for centuries, it is commonly approved on the clear liquid diet before and after surgery, and I just don't think I will ever want to. We drink regular in the morning, decaf at night in the cold season.
ReplyDeleteGodspeed to you on your journey. Doesn't seem like you like it THAT much? It is however a gateway to my day. Sit and drink that cup of coffee before we jump at it sort of thing.
I will however have to violently object to you drinking Diet Pepsi. Really? You drink that crap? Diet Coke is the only way to go.